Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
