i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
