so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am available for nakedness
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
