Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
