What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
