he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
