mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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