He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
