No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize