yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
