I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
