What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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