if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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