bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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