Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize