My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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