guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
