He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize