My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
