I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
