and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
