Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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