I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
