Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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