do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
