Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
