Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
