Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
