Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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