dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
