I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
