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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

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• (830): View more from Texas

  You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

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• (516): View more from New York

  the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"

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• (518): View more from New York

  I want a grilled cheese and an IV

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson

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• (310): View more from California

  That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up

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