I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
