if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
