you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
