I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize