If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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