but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we should paint friendship bongs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
