I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
