loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
