my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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