Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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