Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize