I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Randomize
