WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
