If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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