2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
