It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
