The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
