is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ugly people sure do ruin things
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
