I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
