Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
