You're so nebulous sometimes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize