Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
