Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
