Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
