In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
