just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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