So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
