I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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