They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
