when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
