Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
