i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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