he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
