Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
