And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
