halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
